The best time to start a new routine is during natural beginnings. The start of a week or month for example. For kids it might be the start of school or the return after spring break. Of course, there may be no better time for a new routine than the start of a year. There’s something about fresh starts that feels motivating.
Teens need routines to do well. That’s why they’re called rou-teens (ha!). Whatever habits your teen had before a break got broken up during it. For better or worse, they will begin developing new habits once they return to school.
I encourage you to take advantage of these transitions by discussing routines with an eye towards clarity and consistency. Clarity means talking with your teen about the what, where, when, and how regarding the areas of their well-being that they want to focus on. Consistency is about your ability to follow through when they predictably struggle at the beginning.
Here are a few examples of clarifying questions to help you nail down some good-start habits. The more they can develop a consistent routine, the more likely they’ll be to stay motivated and productive.
For school.
Where will you be doing your work? When? Can you handle having your phone next to you or will you need it put away? How will you manage other distractions?
For sleep.
What’s a healthy time to fall asleep by? What will the hour before that look like? Where will your devices be?
Physical activity.
How will you get physical activity in? What will you do? When? For how long? Where would you like to do it?
Family time.
What are the best times for us to spend together as a family? When? What are activities you’d prefer to do?
For all these questions you can add, “How can I support you when it’s hard or you don’t feel like it?
Being clear and getting ahead of it, then consistently following through will lead to better results. Your teen is going to be developing habits and routines whether we like it or not, it’s worth the effort to help them create positive ones. Do your best to get their buy-in and elicit their input. But even with that, be prepared that there will likely be resistance at first, even if they agree. While you may need to be a bit more hands off initially, the goal should always be for you to gradually back off. Change is hard and uncomfortable. But with clarity and consistency, resistance will fade and these new habits will eventually be normal, making everyone’s lives better.
